March 29, 2013
originally posted to Facebook
I had a scare this morning when I woke up and the depth sensation was gone, and the world was back to its flat self. I walked around for a minute and things started to bulge out again. The return of this new view was reinforced with a corresponding wave of nausea. Clearly my brain is still figuring all of this out. I was staring at a mug yesterday, enjoying the feeling of volume and shape ... and suddenly almost threw up.
There's a lot more discomfort today, including occasional sharp stabs of pain in the eye. I can't move my head without discomfort, nor can I strain at all to read anything (nor should I, of course). The font size I'm using right now is even comically larger than normal. I'm taking it extra easy today for sure.
On to the fun stuff...
I went with Eliza to pick up Lyra yesterday, to have my first real taste of the outside world, and the world just seems ... HUGE. I had a continuing sensation of standing at the edge of a precipice looking down - I guess it's vertigo, but it's similar to that sensation people have when you're on a high place and feel like you're being pulled downward, like you could involuntarily plunge to your death. I had this while looking down the street.
On a more positive note, people walking down the street really stood out from the background in a unique way. The cars looked less like a single line of metal, and more like individual lumps, each their own entity. I'm going to run out of language to describe it all.
Looking into a mirror is very different, as I can sense the volume of the room behind me. I now have new appreciation for the idea of going "through" the looking glass. Even reflections have new depth. It's odd. My brain is so confused that I'm imagining extra depth from the images on TV.
People's bodies do look different too - that sense of volume again, coupled with movement, makes people really interesting to stare at. I will have to be careful about that. :) Faces are still recognizable but have unique new details and qualities.
Fabric is beautiful. My bathrobe hanging on the back of the door looks like a mountain range.
I heated up some lamb stew leftovers and after pulling the plate out of the microwave, the texture of this delicious dish turned my stomach. It looked horribly unappetizing, with all the sauce and meaty bits popping out in a grotesque way. I still ate it and it was still good, but I realized that even my relationship with food will change.
So, laying super low today, not stressing about the fluctuations. The double vision being gone is still a huge miracle, so even if the depth thing comes and goes, my view of the world is still forever changed in a positive way, and of course I still have solid, confident eye contact to look forward to.
Thanks again for reading and for your interest in this experience. It's so great to be able to share it with you and to share the details of this journey. It's truly wonderful and I am so elevated. I can't wait to see you and have you know I'm truly, confidently looking AT you.